It could all be over right now...

Its hard to believe that im already 39 weeks! It could all be over if I wanted it to be! My doctor would do a c-section in a heartbeat! its crazy to think that today was the original day he wanted to do the c-section. I still feel so unprepared. As it gets closer and closer to when the baby gets here, i feel so overwhelmed! I can't imgaine what its going to be like with two kids! Don't get me wrong, I'm SO excited! But I have these mood swings where I feel totally confidant in my abilities and then the next minute Im thinking I dont know if I can step up to the plate! I feel that way about giving birth vaginally too. One minute I am SO excited to try this and I feel SUPER confident and up to the HUGE challenge and then the next minute I'm having panic attacks! Sean and I are both wanting to try the vaginal birth naturally so I think thats the most terrifying part. One of the reasons is that when you get an epidural is slows down labor and if I have a slow labor they will most likely try to give pitocin or a c-section and since i have had a previous c-section, they cant give me pitocin because it's too high risk. So thats one of the reasons we are going to *try* the all natural way. I hope I have a fast labor and that everything progresses really well! ahhh! Im all stressed out about it all. Hahah, its probably all for nothing, cause I'll probably end up with a c-section when all is said and done! Oh well! :)