6 years ago
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
36 weeks
So I went in for my 36 week appointment. He is still high and not engaged in the pelvis. My cervix is still very thick and closed. He is in the 92 percentile and the doctor is leaning more towards c-section. He said the only thing we can do is hope the baby comes by himself and soon cause hes a big baby (before 39 weeks) He basically wants me to do a c-section by week 39 if he hasnt come on his own. I know he will be smaller than ammon at 39 weeks and I KNOW I can deliver that. I REALLY REALLY dont want to just go straight to C-section. This is MY LAST CHANCE. IF i go straight to c-section this time, I have NO more chances. I can NEVER try for vaginal birth again. I will NEVER know what it feels like to go into labor. I feel so robbed! I waited 9 months with Ammon to get that robbed from me last minute and now I feel like its happening again! The doctor just says he doesn't want me to get stuck on how he gets here, but that he gest here safe. I totally agree, thats why I did a no questions asked c-section with ammon. But he wasnt like 10 lbs like they thought, he was 8'13. My doctor said that I can want for something all I want, but if its not adding up right (hes not engaging, the cervix is thick) theres no way we can do a vaginal. I just want to wait to see if he will come by his due date at least, but they always want to do c-sections by 39 weeks. AHH Im going crazy. I want a safe healthy baby, but I really dont want to be stuck with c-sections. It limits my ability to have children, and i will NEVER get to experience childbirth. I know some ladies are like, oh you dont want to experience that, but yeah, I do actually. Cause I dont know if i'll be the type to be in labor for 50 hours or for 2 hours, Everyone is different. If I have never felt it, I will NEVER know and that will drive me crazy. But on the other hand, I dont want to do anything that will cause harm to my baby or me. I just feel very stuck and very frustrated and I can't stop crying about all this. I wish I at least got to induce with ammon, now they cant even induce because it would be too hard on the scar in my uterus. AHH. I just need prayers from everybody that this baby will come the way the Lord wants him to come, becuase thats whats really important, cause what ever way that is, its the safe and right way.
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4 comments:
A couple little thoughts from me: we have an aunt who had two c-sections then a miracle baby a few years later and she delivered vaginally. Doctors know a lot but they don't know everything. And my personal feelings on this are stop complaining, you get to have your own children. I would be happy to have c-sections, even if it meant I would never deliver vaginally. Be happy, babies are miracles and a miracle I may never experience carrying for myself.
Thanks for your comment about the lady with 2 c-sections, and I wanted to clarify, that I wasnt complaining, but posting a post on my blog about my thoughts and fears. If my blog offends you, you are welcomed to not read it. Im sorry you have not been able to have a baby yet. That would be extremely diffucult for me as well. But we all have our different trials to face in this life that are equally hard to each of us. Theres no comparing trials in this life, or else we would all be miserable. I have some pretty huge ones that I don't post about. I have had my share in loses with pregnancy as well, not as many as you, but like I said, we all have different trials. I can understand how you can be sad and bitter about pregnancy and such, thats a very hard trial. But my blog is my tiny space in this world to share my thoughts, feelings, and fears. I apprieciate your comments, but if it is something too hard for you to handle at this stage in your life, I understand if you chose not to read or participate. But I ask you kindly to not tell me that I am complaining.
I am sorry for accusing you of complaining. I think that you are brave to post about your fears with pregnancy, I just wanted to show you the other side and how people in my position would feel. I do hope that you are able to deliver VBAC, that would be amazing. I also know through experience that doctors do not know everything, while they have their opinions and science we have a loving Heavenly Father who does things His way. What doctors deem impossible happens everyday. I would say not to bank on the doctor but know that Heavenly Father is going to do what is best for you and your children in the long run. Good luck.
You're awesome Alicia!! I got to do a vaginal birth with Anna and while I wasn't numbed up, it was still very empowering and felt pretty cool with the baby wooshing out like that! I hope you get to experience that as well and I understand how that would be frusterating being that close to having no chance at it!! You're totally in the right for being annoyed because HELLO, you're pregnant and you're full of all kinds of emotions that are heightened to the 20th level hahaha. If you do have a C-section, I'm glad you are someone I could go to though if I ever end up needing one. I will definitely need some advice there!!
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