Weight-loss Update!

Its been a while... AGAIN! School is kicking both our bums and it keeps me from posting on here, but no excuses I will get better! ANYHOO! October marks a great month for me. Since last October when I started dieting I have lost 100 lbs! Its crazy to think its already been a year and that I actually stuck to something for so long, but it happened! I have never been successful in sticking to anything before and there are so many factors that have gone into what happened that helped me change my heart, mind and attitude about weight loss and becoming healthy. I never thought I was super UN-healthy in my eating, I have always been health conscious about what foods I ate, in fact it BUGGED me SO bad when I was counting calories and munching on carrots, while a super SKINNY girl gorged on a bag of Cheetos and donuts right next to me in class. Like seriously, I'm pretty sure people just thought because I was FAT, that that's ALL I did was sit at home and eat Twinkies... NOT true. In fact, I remember talking with my doctor about my weight and how I was frustrated and all her answer was, “well, just eat healthy and exercise...” Acting like that’s the cure-all… I pretty much wanted to punch her (not a fan of that doctor). While I DID (and DO) love sweets, I wasn't pigging out on them like my body seemed to reflect. Don't get me wrong, I had my low times where I would get depressed and pig out on ice-cream and watch (yes, I know this is horrible) THE BIGGEST LOSER, (it happened a couple times toward the end of my pregnancy with Cameron) but it was definitely not a habit of mine. I was portion conscious and I just didn't know the science of my body. I pretty much had tried all the diets out there, and nothing ever made my body respond the way I needed/wanted it to.

While it is true that you need to eat healthy and exercise, SOMETIMES that’s not JUST the answer. My struggle with weight has been for my whole life, and I’m sure it will continue for the rest of my life. I will actually include my weights… DUN, DUN, DUN! I don’t normally but I’m so immune to weight that I don’t really care anymore. I started dieting when I was 10. Sad day huh… I remember getting up super early in the morning and working out with my dad, going on power walks, those were great time spent with my dad, but as a kid I already was struggling with the thought that my weight wasn’t what it was supposed to be… that’s the sad part. If I would have been able to get a hold of myself then, it would have saved me a lot of hard work, that’s for sure. So my struggle continued through my teens, and HELLO high school. I gained a lot, I lost a lot, Sometimes the healthy way, sometimes the NOT so healthy way. The LOWEST I got in high-school was 189.   And I got to that number cause I was pretty much starving myself, I slowly gained more and when I went to college I was about 205ish. When I got to college I pretty much gained the freshman 50, not 15. I was 255 my highest, and yes, that’s from bad college eating habits and probably stress and not getting enough sleep. I struggled to lose about 40ish lbs before Sean I got married and on our wedding I was 215. A couple months later I got pregnant (after gaining like 5 lbs) and started my pregnancy with Ammon at 220. L I had the horrible mindset that this was my excuse to be fat and that I could eat whatever I wanted… EHH wrong answer, ‘cause that got me to a whopping 320 lbs by the end of my pregnancy. I thought, OH it will for sure go away, I’ll lose SUPER fast. And in the first two weeks, it did. I lost 40 lbs in two weeks bringing me down to about 280, I thought that this was gonna be super easy. After those two weeks I didn’t lose any more, in fact, I gained slowly until I got to be 296 and from there I fluctuated between 296 and 303 for a couple years. Tried everything. It was so frustrating. So after about 2 years-ish I was frustrated and we signed up with LA-weightloss and I S-L-O-W-L-Y lost about 20 lbs in like 5 months, (About 280) Right around June  of that year, we felt like we needed to get pregnant again. It was a huge leap of faith for me, because as slow as it was, it WAS coming off, (painfully slow) and it was a downward direction. But we followed our promptings and got pregnant right away. I was excited, but then a couple weeks later, I miscarried. I turned to food for comfort and gained about 5 lbs (285). Luckily we got pregnant right away again and that baby was Cameron. I hardly gained anything during the first half of my pregnancy, even through the holidays, I did well, only taking about 5-8 lbs worth of holiday damage on my body. But half way through I started to develop SPD and could hardly move without being in a ton of pain. (I developed it at about 7 months prego with Ammon) I ballooned all the way up to 335 by the end of my pregnancy with Cameron. Getting depressed that despite my efforts to eat healthy, my lack of movement resulted in weight gain.

After Cameron I got down to about 300 and was super motivated to lose weight, but the scale didn’t seem to want to move. Definitly not more than 5 lbs at a time and if I did lose 5 lbs, id gain it right back cause I was “celebrating” hahah. Three months after Cameron, I found out that I needed my gallbladder out. Another surgery, another recovery time, I gained weight… again… Surprise…

Between April and October 2009 I tried different things but finally decided to try Somersize again. I had done it once in high school and it was one of the times I lost weight the right way. Its based on separating food groups and cutting out bad sources of energy (sugar and bad carbs) so your body can burn your fat stores for energy. So I tried, and the FIRST day I failed. I was SO frustrated, I broke down crying and was super depressed because my weight had gone up to 313 and it was climbing. I finally asked my husband for a blessing and he gave me one. I was really discouraged and honestly, flat out mad when it was over because there wasn’t much guidance in it (or so I thought) . Among many things, that were said (not much about weight loss) was that I needed to turn to the scriptures and pray. I’m embarrassed to say that I was so mad at Sean. I pouted for a while and just kept ranting about how that had nothing to do with weight loss and how he didn’t know what he was talking about (he humbly stuck to his guns, saying that he said what he felt prompted to say.) Later I felt chastised by the Lord, but I still felt like that COULDN’T be the answer cause it was just too easy. There was no way that reading my scriptures and praying could be the answer to this problem. But a story in the scriptures was brought to my mind about Moses and the fiery serpents, all those people had to do was look, and live. I felt like the lord was just telling me that if I would do those things, it could be the answer. I told myself I wouldn’t be those stupid people who wouldn’t LOOK, just ‘cause it was too easy. So I started to pray and read my scriptures every day. MAGICALLY I started losing weight. Not because the scriptures are a weight-loss magic pill but because I was given the strength to use self-control, the self-control that I have lacked to ever DO anything long term. The scriptures really did come alive to me and so many scriptures I read seemed to just SCREAM out weight-loss guidance, whether it was words of encouragement, or words of reassuring, I felt like the scriptures helped me prepare to face the scale each day. Also, I started looking in the mirror each day after id lose weight and I CRAVED more. I used to get all excited that I lost 5 or 10 lbs and get all excited, and eat a bowl of ice cream, this time, it was never enough. I always wanted more. I always wanted those next 3-5 lbs. So along with that and having support from everyone, and my best friend to share in our weight loss journey’s, that’s what kept me going, I don’t know if I could have come this far without someone doing it with me. I remember my first week I went into Krispy Kreme during their “hot now” time and didn’t eat a donut, I was even starving, I didn’t even lick my fingers! After that I knew that if I could say no to that, I could do anything. I put up signs around my house to remind me and I had to think of sugar as the devil (which it pretty much is. Lol :P) I took it one day at a time, one meal at a time and soon it was making a change. So going from my highest at 335 to my lowest at 209.2 (currently aunt flow has decided to alter my weight a couple lbs...grr) I have definitely learned a lot in this journey, and that's exactly what it is, a journey, cause I'm not done! And I'm sure its going to be a struggle for many more years while I have more children, but I know that I NEVER want to get that big again!

People ask me WOW so you must feel so great to be 100 lbs less and yeah, it does feel good. It has happened over such a long period of time though, that it doesn't feel like I've lost that much. its been a very slow process. Some months I lost nothing, but other months I lost lots more. Its definitely been a long journey. I still have at least 40 more lbs to go to get to a good weight (50 more to get to a really AWESOME weight) Im about 10 lbs away from a HUGE goal. I will be in the HUNDREDS in roughly 10 lbs. Haven't been that low since I was in High school. (currently, I am in the realms of my high school weight though) But for some reason I thought I'd feel MORE different than before, but then again, its been a year, maybe I cant remember what it was like 100 lbs heavier.... oh wait, yes I can, I NEVER want to feel that way again... But it came off in such tiny increments, 1.2 lbs, .8, .2, 2.4lbs. The first month I lost a whopping 20 lbs (8 of which were in the first couple days, then got much slower) but each of those TINY little .2's and .4's all add up and then 1 lb turned to 2 and 2lbs turned into10 and then 20 and I remember when I lost 40 and I thought WHOA, then when I lost 60 I thought that same thing. Then I reached 80 lbs and I thought it was huge, but even now, I look at my body in the mirror and see the same big girl, I guess its cause I see it every day. The thing that really motivates is when I see pictures, so I put together a collage of pictures and it helped me to SEE what change my body really has been through. So here's to a 100 lbs, that came off 1 lb at a time (sometimes slower, sometimes faster :P) And hopefully I can lose at least 40 more!